*headdesk*

Dear Girl'friends',

Thank you for forcing me to see Twilight. Now, rather than admiring Jacob's shoulders from afar and faintly lusting after Kellan Lutz, I am actively seeking Twilight slashfic. Do you know what happens when teenagers who were never taught grammar try to write slashfic? No? Good. It's not pretty, I assure you. Now I'm going to have to write some myself. I hope you're pleased with yourselves. You'd better dig out the second DVD for me tomorrow too, or else there'll be trouble (and I'll hide all the chocolate).

Love and Hugs,
Me.

~*~

Dear Pogue!Muse,

Stop fucking with Reid's car, you're making him twitchy. Stop flirting with the pretty tattoo artist, you're distracting her. Stop trying to think in abstract nouns and long-winded metaphors. This fic is not actually about you.

Marginally less love,
Me.

~*~

Dear Gen Kill!Muse,

Shut up, stand still, and wait your fucking turn. I'll get to you when I get to you, I'm still doing the research.

Out to You.

~*~

Dear Covenant People,

Please carry on with the achingly-hot distractingly-pretty porn. Especially when it involves Tyler being kinky. *licks lips*

Love,
Me.

PS I think Caleb could use some more love, though... *hints*